Letting go.....

M has been in daycare since he was 10 weeks old. And technically it has been longer because he had a transition period. So one would think that he was used to being dropped off and he would be an old pro. Not true. In the infant room he would scream. In the toddler room the only way we could leave would be to hand him to a teacher and run out. And now in Preschool it is a little better but he would hold onto your legs and scream Mommy stay, Mommy I need you, etc. So needless to say by the time you did that, commuted into work, and started to work I was already exhausted. This has slowly started to change and I really saw it this week when I dropped him off. Most of his friends were already there, which I think helps a lot. I dropped T off and we gave her hugs and kisses which she had no interest in and she went to play with her friends (she has been like that since the beginning). I am thinking that now I will drop M off, hopefully we will play for about 5 minutes, and then one of his friends will distract him. Well I went in with him and he never looked at me. I asked for a hug and kiss, then a hug or kiss, no response. I then said may I have a hug or kiss or all you finished with me for the morning? His response - I am all done with you! So I got to work in record time.

M has started to get more and more independent, I will do that, I don't need your help, etc. But there has always been this issue when we drop him off. Both of us have been saying why can't he be like the other kids and just run in and play because when you pick him up he doesn't want to leave so clearly he likes it there. Be careful what you wish for....

I was thinking about all of this on my walk from the train to work. How I am slowly becoming a smaller and smaller piece of his life, how he really does need me less and less, etc. And for one second I was sad. Then I thought, wait a second you have been wishing for this for literally years and it is now here and now you are sad. Snap out of it! So instead of dwelling on what is being lost I thought about what we were gaining. As parents we want to strong independent free thinking children that no longer need us. That is just sometimes a hard pill to swallow. But then I think about M at 30 - do I really want him still in my house, most likely somewhere like the basement so it seems like he has his own apartment but yet somehow his laundry shows up in the bins with mine, he asks where his cinnamon cereal is, and that he needs help wiping? I think not. When I entered work I had a big smile on my face and pride in my heart for my smart independent young man.