My first haircut!

These pictures are older than the other ones, this is closer to the beginning of August but I wanted to post them because it is a big moment. Murdoch was born with hair, lost a lot of it, grew it back, and how he has developed curls. Today the humidity has been on the rise and he has a ton of little curls. It is so cute! There is the before and after.

Other than that we are just enjoying the long weekend. Lots of house work - we are trying to get our family room back in order - Andy has people coming over on Monday for their fantasy football draft so we need somewhere for people to sit. Tonight he is at a soccer game so I thought I would do a quick post and then go to bed early - a headache that won't go away! But I am laying in bed listening to the dryer - odd I know but I just used the new washer and dryer on the second floor for the first time - what a luxury - I don't have to go into the basement to do laundry anymore! Oh the stupid stuff that makes me happy these days :)

Happy Birthday Murdoch!

Okay so this is a day late because going over the whole birthing saga - you will just have to humor me. So it is one year and one day! And I can't believe how much you have grown, changed, and how much you have changed and added to our lives! We got a great video of you yesterday AM - I love how happy you are when you wake up. I love walking into your room with you standing in your crib with the biggest smile so happy to see me - I just know it is going to kill me that as you get older I won't get that huge smile in the mornings. I love the fact that right now we are your whole world - or at least most of it. It is so easy right now - in general we control everything but it is going to get so much harder as you get older when you have all of the outside influences that mold and shape you into the person that you will eventually be. It is hard for me to even think about that piece of your life and it actually makes me sad because my baby will no longer be my baby. One of our major goals for you is to raise you to be an independent person but that is also one of the most painful things that will happen because I know I will want to take care of you and shelter you from things forever when I know I can't. It is going to be a very big struggle between my heart and my head.

I can go on forever like this so I will end it now. I just want to let you know that I love you to the point that I want to squeeze you so hard it would kill you. I will always love you no matter what.

Here is a little message from your grandmother in STL:

Dear Murdoch, Just think, one year ago we all received the most precious gift which was you! To quote Fred Rogers - You don't ever have to do anything sensational to love or be loved. You can never imagine how many people already love you, including me. Happy First Birthday, I am with you in thought. Love - Gram Parsons

All of my love!

One Year Ago Today...Continued

So where was I....Oh yes 9cm dilated now for about 3+ hours and no baby.

12 - 2 AMish - The doctor's and nurses were doing everything they could to get me through that last cm. They broke my water - or maybe they did that before midnight - not really sure because the actual hours are a blur. Well let me tell you - if I thought the pain was bad before now it was really bad. I remember thinking after one contraction had finished and another one started 'Are you sh**ing me - that was the whole break I got between contractions?!' At this point I was really relying on Ligea and Andy - I was starting to get to that point of I just can't do this anymore. I had been at 9 cm for quite awhile and things did not seem to be moving along. The doctors checked the intensity of my contractions - basically they way they put it was - well you think they are really strong contractions but they may not actually be that strong. So I was thinking oh God! These are probably really weak contractions and here I am screaming in pain - I am going to feel like a total idiot when I am having 3 out of 10 pain contractions! Well it turns out they were really strong contractions. So we continue trying to get the swelling down and get through that last 1 cm. I think somewhere around 2 am there was talk of a c-section because I was simply not moving along. I knew that this was always an option but after all of the work that had already been done I didn't want to go into surgery - not to mention I just didn't want surgery. So after some discussion we decided that I would wait 5-6 more contractions, they would check me, and then I would get an epidural. The doctor said she didn't know if it would work but there was no way I was going to be able to relax to let the swelling go down at this point because of the pain. So around 2 AM a lovely woman came in to administer the epidural. I have had a spinal tap before and it was not painful. I have heard that an epidural can be painful. I think I might remember that there was some pressure but what I do remember was the pain relief! They said it would take 5 or so contractions - well let me tell you that the relief was instantaneous! I keep thinking how am I going to sit still bent over during a contraction for them to put this needle in. Well this woman was a pro because it seemed so fast and let me tell you it was so great! So here I am in the middle of labor sitting on a bed having a normal conversation with the nurses who about 30 minutes ago I was probably screaming at :)

2 - 6 AMish - They tell me I need to sleep and rest. Well I can't! I don't know if it was the adrenaline or the endorphins or both but I couldn't sleep. Poor Ligea and Andy had neither of these and they were exhausted. Ligea took a walk and fell asleep on a bench and Andy agreed to play cards with me. We played for a little while until I was a little more relaxed and then he took a nap and I just kind of laid there. I have no idea what I was thinking about - probably go to sleep you idiot, this is your last opportunity to sleep for awhile! Either way I had some conversations with the nurses and I waited.

6 AMish - The contractions come back. I am thinking good god! I can't go back into that kind of pain now that I have been pain free! Luckily the same woman from around 2 AM comes back in pushes in some more drugs and I am once again pain-free. Now the doctor comes in to see how I am doing so this is the 'big check' to see if I have made it to 10 cm or if I am the same and I will need a c-section. And keep in mind last time I saw her she said this was kind of my last option and it was definitely not guaranteed that the epidural would do anything for me so I was nervous. Well the swelling went down and I was at 10 cm. Yeah! They said that they needed to get the contractions closer together so I would get some pitosin and I should be ready by about 8 AM for some pushing!

6-8 AM ish - More waiting. More doctors and nurses are coming in. Andy and Ligea are up. We talk about the plan - how to push, etc.

8 AMish - I think I start to push at this point. I liked the bar from last night but I do this basically laying down in bed. They have shut off the drugs to the epidural so that I can feel some of the contractions in order to know when to push. The drugs are still in affect so this was hard for me but I think I could tell most of the time. I pushed for about an hour. I knew that they would take Murdoch away because there was some black 'baby poo' as we will call it before he was born so he needed to be cleaned up. The plan was that Andy wouldn't look below the shoulders. Well he looked for about 75% of the time and then couldn't look at the end. At this point the pain is coming back but it isn't the same pain as before - it was more burning instead of straight up searing pain.

9:18 AM - After a little over an hour of pushing we welcomed a new baby boy into the world - Murdoch Parsons Sutherland. His name was going to be Jackson Parsons Sutherland until sometime in the early morning hours when we were playing cards and one of the nurses asked us the names. We said we hadn't totally decided on the name for the boy and she said she wanted to hear them, if it was okay, and hopefully one of them wasn't Jack - we were going to use that as the nickname. We that was one of our names so we told her that. She said that she had delivered 5 Jacks in the last week - I guess it was a very popular name. So right then and there we changed it. Anyway, Murdoch came out, everyone said oh my that is a big baby! I have to say that I am glad I didn't know that before I had him! That would have made me even more nervous! He was taken away to be cleaned up, Andy was with him and Ligea stayed with me while I was 'cleaned up'. I had more than normal bleeding but the midwife said - well you just had a 9 pound 1 ounce baby - what do you expect. You look great! I was cleaned up as much as can be done while you are laying in bed and then they brought Murdoch over to me. I have no idea what my first thought was. I think I was totally out of it - the long night with no sleep was catching up to me. But he fed and we got ready for our journey down to the recovery floor. Then another doctor came in to remove the epidural. He came in and said something like 'Hey next time you should get it right way, all of that work and pain and then you end up with it anyway' he said this as kind of a joke - not a big fan of that guy at the time!

Rest of the day on August 28th, 2007 - phone calls to friends and family to let them know the news. Sitting around half asleep/half in shock. Watched some TV.

Murdoch now you are 1 year old! We have survived the first year and I couldn't have asked for more from a baby. You are easy - always have been - I love your smile and your laugh - whenever I am tired or totally worn out that gives me a little extra energy to get through the day. I can't wait for the years ahead but I am already missing my baby because I can see the toddler that you are already becoming who needs me less and less which is hard and it is only going to become harder. I love you more than I could ever put into words so I won't try. Just know that whatever you do in your life I will always love you with all of my heart and I will always be there to support you. Love and kisses always, Mom.

One year ago today...

So I went to a personal training session at lunch today - my first real one ever and I thought to myself while I was doing this horrible core workout that I went into labor around this time one year ago and if I got through that I could get through this 30 minutes of core work and balance. And then my mind turned around and said - you know what, I would rather be in labor :)

The night before I went into labor, which was a Sunday last year, I went to see a movie in a movie theatre - the last time I have done that since having Murdoch. I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum with Andy, Matt Levine, Bridget, and Marcus. They serve beer there and I bought a beer that night - Matt was getting two beers and they will only server one person one beer so the pregnant lady bought the beer - Matt still finds that funny. So we went to the movies that night and I loved the movie - maybe it was all of the noise in that movie that made Murdoch decide that he wanted to come out.

Monday, August 27th.

9 AM - Non-stress test. Woke up got online to do a little bit of work and I was hating that I had to go in for this test! I got there, was on the bed, the first reading wasn't good so I had to do another one. So annoyed the whole time that I had to do this test because I was now officially over-due. The baby/it moved enough so I was free to go. The whole time I was thinking to myself - please go into labor because you are already at the hospital - that would make it so easy!

10:36 AM - Back at home and I start to work again - I sent out emails to people though not doing too much because I have transitioned pretty much all of my work to other people - I am now a week over-due.

12:28 PM - Call Andy (yes I pulled up my cell phone records for this) I am guessing that I am calling to say that I might be in labor - just as a heads up in case he has meetings. Bear in mind - at this point everything I have read saying that you can do laundry, watch a movie, etc. so I think I have all of the time in the world.

12:30 PM - Call Ligea, my doula, to also let her know this - her day may be interrupted so I wanted to give her as much notice as possible.

12:37 PM - I send the following email to my boss:
Rich,
I am going to sign off for a little while - I think I might be having some contractions so I really can't concentrate on work. I will give you an update later today either way.
Thank you,
Sarah

1:53 PM - Call Andy again - I think this is the phone call that says I am definitely in labor you need to come home.

2:00 PM - Call Ligea again - I am definitely in labor

1:55 PM - Call Andy again - not sure what I didn't say 2 minutes before - maybe he can fill in the blanks

3:00 PM, 3:03 PM, 3:22 PM - All calls to Andy - I think these were my calls basically saying where the hell are you?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:39 PM & 3:40 PM - Call Ligea - I think this was to say that we had decided to go to the hospital because this didn't seem to be a passing thing

Sometime after that leave for the hospital, as we get to the hospital Andy misses the turn and I want to kill him! Arrive at the hospital - park in the top level of the parking garage - needless to say this is going to take me awhile to get down and over to the hospital. Get out of the car - throw up all over the car - hey at least it was the outside of the car instead of the inside and we were on the top level so if it rained it would be cleaned off right. Walk to the elevator, take it down, bad contraction in front of the hospital, some guy asks if everything is okay and if anything is wrong - I am pretty sure it is easy to figure out that I am in labor by the size of my stomach! Somehow get to the labor and delivery area.

4:17 PM - Call Ligea - tell her we are there

4:56 PM - Call my boss - I won't be into work tomorrow or logging on later tonight

Stay in there for what seems like forever, maybe 45 minutes - get the general workup and checked out to make sure I am far enough along in order to be admitted. I am 3cm - I thought well that is something. They said that I would be admitted and I would get a room with a jacuzzi - I thought great!

The rest of the afternoon/evening/night is a blur. I know I was in a room with Andy, Ligea, and two nurses - one was Steph and for the life of me I can't remember the name of the other one. They were extremely supportive, understanding, helpful, etc. Lots of things went on in that room that I will never repeat and only Andy will know or a close friend after I have had a few drinks. I do know that Andy help me up over and over again during the contractions, he didn't flinch (at least as far as I knew at the time) when I bit his shoulder when I thought that I was only biting his shirt. Ligea was right there helping both of us - supporting me and also giving Andy the support he needed to deal with me in this state that he had never seen me in before. I know that he felt helpless so having Ligea there was the best decision I made while I was pregnant. We tried different positions, got in the jacuzzi, didn't work, and finally it was time to push.

9:30 PMish - I was in my bed with my little pushing bar and I was exhausted but ready to push. I was making great time! They said this was supposed to take an average of 12 hours - I was thinking - hey look at me I am above average! So I was pushing, and pushing, and I guess it wasn't going very well so I was 'checked' again by the on-call doctor and she determined that I was actually only 9cm instead of 10cm so I needed to go back to working to get to 10cm. So I have to say this was devastating!

So for the next couple hours we did everything we could in order to accomplish that last cm. And then it was August 28th...

Photos from vacation

So I downloaded the photos from vacation - I think that was record time for me. Right now I am usually around a month delay. Of course I have a whole month of photos and videos to post and I try to post in order but that makes me even more behind.

It was a great vacation. My parents flew in on Friday, we had a nice dinner and then headed up to Maine on Saturday. As usual we had way too many things going on Saturday morning so instead of leaving at noon we left at 2 but I think we missed a lot of the traffic because of that. It was a pretty easy drive up, though we hit some major downpours and hail when we were in Maine - people were pulled over to the side of the highway at every overpass and we were going about 30 MPH on 95! We got to the address - which was incorrect and in the back-roads of Maine which was a little weird. I didn't have the directions from the people and the GPS wasn't finding it - so things did not go well at this point. Andy was pissed I didn't have the directions and I said that the directions were in my email which he thought was on my laptop but they weren't - I needed to connect to the internet. So after a quick lookup on the iPhone we found the people's number and called them for directions and we got to the house - and may I say I was relieved to get there - the other street (with the same name) was a little scary and if the house had been on that street I think I would have demanded my money back.

The whole week was nice. Talli & Bob came on Sunday for a visit. We basically relaxed, watched the Olympics, napped, took walks, etc. On Monday night we celebrated Murdoch's birthday - we had ice cream cake, he had a banana. I am carrying some guilt that I didn't do all of this stuff for my child's first birthday but I need to let that go. We had fun and Murdoch loves bananas so really there wasn't a big loss. Even if I made that huge cake I didn't want him to have any so it would have been a lot of work for us and everyone loved the ice cream cake from the store. I am sure there will be many birthdays in the future where a big cake is consumed happily by little people.

Bob & Talli left on Tuesday and we continued to relax the rest of the week. Thursday we had a play date for Murdoch - one of the guys that I work with lives about 20 minutes from where we were staying and they had a little boy last year about 2 weeks before Murdoch was born so it was a perfect match. The boys played and then we all went out for lunch which was great. One side note - when we returned home to find Deucey vomiting and we were very concerned. After about 12 hours of vomiting we found the cause - about 5 pieces of hard plastic about 2-3 inches in diameter and two squeakers were consumed, sat in her stomach, and then eventually made it back out. I thought we were going to the emergency room the next day. Luckily she got all of it out of her system. We were going outside with a flashlight to collect the 'gifts' (gross I know) to try and figure out what she had eaten. We still don't know - our best guess is a plastic ball that she found at some point on Thursday. Either way I was much relieved when she stopped vomiting and was able to sleep - we were all pretty nervous!

Friday we took a trip into the downtown area to walk around and Andy stayed back at the house with Deucey for some beer, sun, and fishing. He had a little relax time and then we left on Saturday. It was an easy drive back, gorgeous weather! Sunday my parents left and then Monday we were back to the grind.

Here is a link to the pictures. These are just from our camera for now but I am sure there will be some from both of the grandparents soon as soon and they have a chance to upload them. Enjoy the final week of summer!

Happy Birthday Emily!

Today my little sister turns 30 - which makes me feel very old when I say that. But at the same time I don't find my own age to be old. I guess it is just one of those milestones that makes you realize how much time has passed.

Emily had to go back to school on her birthday which sucked but she had an awesome summer in Colorado Springs doing her clinical for PT and she was a star! I hope you got to relax a least a little bit before things get busy again. Murdoch will give you a big kiss at Christmas! We miss you!

Back from Vacation!

We arrived home on Saturday around 1 PM and I immediately wanted to leave the house. We had some of our floors redone while we were gone, which was fabulous, but coming home to dust, all of your furniture in one room and things just a total mess after a week of relaxation, gorgeous weather, and fun with the family was just too much! The week was great - had the best week of weather that we have had all summer - it has been a very rainy summer for us. Got in some naps, Murdoch actually slept past 6 AM, and everyone had fun interacting with Murdoch and he loved the attention. The pictures are still on the camera and we had about 3 cameras going throughout the week so there will be a lot of them! Hopefully I can get the first round onto my laptop tonight or tomorrow so you get a taste of the vacation. Hate to be back at work but I missed everyone so in that sense it is good to be back.

Signing off...for awhile

We are leaving for vacation tomorrow so I will be signing off for a little while. Though I am bringing my laptop and I have a ton of pictures and videos that need to be posted so you might see some old stuff on here when I am taking some quick breaks which Murdoch is sleeping. We are crossing our fingers for nice weather. We have had so much rain lately so we are hoping for some sunny days to get out and enjoy the summer days a little bit. Hopefully that works out for us. I hope you are all enjoying your summer and we will talk to you soon.

11 Months!

Through the magic of technology your child can age a month in just two days! Or it is just a Mom who is way behind on the posts! Murdoch will be a year two weeks for today - seems crazy! So long and so short at the same time. This one is a little long. I have another shorter one but he stands up in this one - that has been hard to capture on film.

10 Months!

Murdoch is going to be 1 in about 2 weeks so I thought it might be a good idea to catch up on all of his videos before then. I was having technical difficulties getting the videos from the camera onto my laptop so we have a build up of about 2 months worth of videos. This one isn't all that exciting - we have some eating and a little bit of talking.

Right now we are very busy with the house - the electrical for the bathroom and family room was completed yesterday along with the tile floor in the bathroom. Andy trimmed out some of the windows and later this week hopefully the plumbing will be done. So it is going to be a busy week house wise and we are going on vacation next week so we need to get ready for that and the arrival of the STL grandparents.

Visit to Georgia - Finally!

Our visit to Georgia was almost 2 months ago so I am a little behind on those pictures. Either way here they are. You have already heard about the trip so I won't go on about what a great time we had.

An update on the screaming baby - he was screaming at 12:30 AM and he didn't want to be held and rocked. Not as much fun. Going to need some caffeine today! Oh well. We are hoping for a nice weekend without too much rain.

Anyone want a screaming baby at 3:45 AM?

I DO! Murdoch woke up on Tuesday morning at 3:45 AM screaming - both the early wake up and the screaming was not normal for him. It turns out he had a small fever which is probably because of teething. 3:45 AM is not exactly my favorite time of the morning but I got to go in and rock my baby back to sleep which never happens anymore. These days he is a little wiggle worm that doesn't want to be held so he goes to bed wide awake sitting up with no rocking from me. Though this is great because he is learning to put himself to bed it is also another thing I am losing as he grows up. So though I don't want to be up at that hour I just reminded myself how nice it was to hold him and rock him back to sleep.

I thought these pictures were cute - he kept crawling toward the camera while I was trying to take these. You can also see on his right eye - a small yellow mark - that is as close as we have gotten to a black eye so far - a little bum from the chair and he didn't even cry! Sometimes he is a tough kid. In the past week he has stood up from a squatting position by himself, crawled down the stairs, and taken 2 steps before falling down. I think we are in big trouble!