Some days I feel like a failure

Two days ago Murdoch, Deucey, and I went for a walk to have a little Murdoch alone time - I don't want him to feel like I am always with the baby - and it was also for me - the weather was gorgeous and I could use the exercise to start to tone this body up. Near the end of the walk we were on a steep hill, Murdoch stood up in the stroller, and as he did this I jerked the stroller which them caused him to literally do a somersault from the standing position off the stroller and he landed on his back on the concrete. There were a lot of tears and some scrapes but it wasn't too bad. Of course there was an older woman on her porch enjoying the evening and she screamed 'Oh my God!'. Well as if I didn't feel badly enough about causing him pain then I have this lady screaming and I feel like the worst mother in the world.

And today and many other days this week Murdoch has really been testing his boundaries. I am sure it is the age, the new baby, and whatever else goes on in his head but there are times when this is happening that I feel like a failure. He doesn't mind me, and what makes it worse is the fact that he does mind Andy so much more than me. He used to go to bed no issue with me, now it is a battle. Today I finally just left his bedroom and told Andy to put up a gate outside of his room because he just learned how to open doorknobs. I was trying to get him down for a nap and he just kept giggling and playing with me - which is what he does when he knows he is doing something wrong. I didn't have the patience. I am sure it is the lack of sleep that isn't helping but I left that room feeling like a totally loser that had lost control and basically had no respect in my own house.

I know it will change but right now I am tired and my patience level is short which then annoys me that I can't deal with him at times. I am looking forward to a nice day with him tomorrow. We had an awesome morning together on a walk and at the park but the nap time killed me. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.