One Year Ago Today...Continued

So where was I....Oh yes 9cm dilated now for about 3+ hours and no baby.

12 - 2 AMish - The doctor's and nurses were doing everything they could to get me through that last cm. They broke my water - or maybe they did that before midnight - not really sure because the actual hours are a blur. Well let me tell you - if I thought the pain was bad before now it was really bad. I remember thinking after one contraction had finished and another one started 'Are you sh**ing me - that was the whole break I got between contractions?!' At this point I was really relying on Ligea and Andy - I was starting to get to that point of I just can't do this anymore. I had been at 9 cm for quite awhile and things did not seem to be moving along. The doctors checked the intensity of my contractions - basically they way they put it was - well you think they are really strong contractions but they may not actually be that strong. So I was thinking oh God! These are probably really weak contractions and here I am screaming in pain - I am going to feel like a total idiot when I am having 3 out of 10 pain contractions! Well it turns out they were really strong contractions. So we continue trying to get the swelling down and get through that last 1 cm. I think somewhere around 2 am there was talk of a c-section because I was simply not moving along. I knew that this was always an option but after all of the work that had already been done I didn't want to go into surgery - not to mention I just didn't want surgery. So after some discussion we decided that I would wait 5-6 more contractions, they would check me, and then I would get an epidural. The doctor said she didn't know if it would work but there was no way I was going to be able to relax to let the swelling go down at this point because of the pain. So around 2 AM a lovely woman came in to administer the epidural. I have had a spinal tap before and it was not painful. I have heard that an epidural can be painful. I think I might remember that there was some pressure but what I do remember was the pain relief! They said it would take 5 or so contractions - well let me tell you that the relief was instantaneous! I keep thinking how am I going to sit still bent over during a contraction for them to put this needle in. Well this woman was a pro because it seemed so fast and let me tell you it was so great! So here I am in the middle of labor sitting on a bed having a normal conversation with the nurses who about 30 minutes ago I was probably screaming at :)

2 - 6 AMish - They tell me I need to sleep and rest. Well I can't! I don't know if it was the adrenaline or the endorphins or both but I couldn't sleep. Poor Ligea and Andy had neither of these and they were exhausted. Ligea took a walk and fell asleep on a bench and Andy agreed to play cards with me. We played for a little while until I was a little more relaxed and then he took a nap and I just kind of laid there. I have no idea what I was thinking about - probably go to sleep you idiot, this is your last opportunity to sleep for awhile! Either way I had some conversations with the nurses and I waited.

6 AMish - The contractions come back. I am thinking good god! I can't go back into that kind of pain now that I have been pain free! Luckily the same woman from around 2 AM comes back in pushes in some more drugs and I am once again pain-free. Now the doctor comes in to see how I am doing so this is the 'big check' to see if I have made it to 10 cm or if I am the same and I will need a c-section. And keep in mind last time I saw her she said this was kind of my last option and it was definitely not guaranteed that the epidural would do anything for me so I was nervous. Well the swelling went down and I was at 10 cm. Yeah! They said that they needed to get the contractions closer together so I would get some pitosin and I should be ready by about 8 AM for some pushing!

6-8 AM ish - More waiting. More doctors and nurses are coming in. Andy and Ligea are up. We talk about the plan - how to push, etc.

8 AMish - I think I start to push at this point. I liked the bar from last night but I do this basically laying down in bed. They have shut off the drugs to the epidural so that I can feel some of the contractions in order to know when to push. The drugs are still in affect so this was hard for me but I think I could tell most of the time. I pushed for about an hour. I knew that they would take Murdoch away because there was some black 'baby poo' as we will call it before he was born so he needed to be cleaned up. The plan was that Andy wouldn't look below the shoulders. Well he looked for about 75% of the time and then couldn't look at the end. At this point the pain is coming back but it isn't the same pain as before - it was more burning instead of straight up searing pain.

9:18 AM - After a little over an hour of pushing we welcomed a new baby boy into the world - Murdoch Parsons Sutherland. His name was going to be Jackson Parsons Sutherland until sometime in the early morning hours when we were playing cards and one of the nurses asked us the names. We said we hadn't totally decided on the name for the boy and she said she wanted to hear them, if it was okay, and hopefully one of them wasn't Jack - we were going to use that as the nickname. We that was one of our names so we told her that. She said that she had delivered 5 Jacks in the last week - I guess it was a very popular name. So right then and there we changed it. Anyway, Murdoch came out, everyone said oh my that is a big baby! I have to say that I am glad I didn't know that before I had him! That would have made me even more nervous! He was taken away to be cleaned up, Andy was with him and Ligea stayed with me while I was 'cleaned up'. I had more than normal bleeding but the midwife said - well you just had a 9 pound 1 ounce baby - what do you expect. You look great! I was cleaned up as much as can be done while you are laying in bed and then they brought Murdoch over to me. I have no idea what my first thought was. I think I was totally out of it - the long night with no sleep was catching up to me. But he fed and we got ready for our journey down to the recovery floor. Then another doctor came in to remove the epidural. He came in and said something like 'Hey next time you should get it right way, all of that work and pain and then you end up with it anyway' he said this as kind of a joke - not a big fan of that guy at the time!

Rest of the day on August 28th, 2007 - phone calls to friends and family to let them know the news. Sitting around half asleep/half in shock. Watched some TV.

Murdoch now you are 1 year old! We have survived the first year and I couldn't have asked for more from a baby. You are easy - always have been - I love your smile and your laugh - whenever I am tired or totally worn out that gives me a little extra energy to get through the day. I can't wait for the years ahead but I am already missing my baby because I can see the toddler that you are already becoming who needs me less and less which is hard and it is only going to become harder. I love you more than I could ever put into words so I won't try. Just know that whatever you do in your life I will always love you with all of my heart and I will always be there to support you. Love and kisses always, Mom.