I know I can't. I have read a lot of articles on the subject of parenting becoming their kids best friends, being totally supportive of everything, and always being there to pick them up before they can even start crying. I can say I do this and I see a lot of it going on around me. I am going to make a point of letting my kids play by themselves, fall down and figure out how much it actually hurts, and let them experience some failure. It is a lot better to have this happen now instead of at a job interview. Here is an interesting article on the subject.
We arrive home from a play date around 9 PM. So yes the kids are exhausted and probably a little tired as well so a little crying and whining is expected. T never really wakes up so she is shuttled upstairs. M wakes up and starts to walk in. He makes it in the front door and then refuses to walk up to the second floor. A is carrying a ton of stuff and M is demanding to be carried. A says I will carry you if you go up to the 4th stair, M refuses and throws a huge fit. A comes upstairs and we watch a little TV. M starts yelling that he has to go to the bathroom. Time goes by. M comes up the stairs to use the potty. As he is getting off A goes in to say okay now that you are upstairs I will take you up. Before his pants are even up he starts screaming NO NO NO!!!! He sprints out of the bathroom and somehow goes back down the stairs and gets his pants up without killing himself on the stairs and goes back down to the bottom of the stairs again. Another screaming fit....Then A goes down and offers a compromise of 2 stairs instead of 4. Now keep in mind that he is already on the 1st stair. And what happens? Another fit. Then A comes back up stairs.
It was a true battle of wills! Honestly I thought I was going to die laughing when he came out of the bathroom with his pants down screaming no. I think he got the stubborn from both sides in a big way. God help us all!
I think that is a constant question that everyone faces. How many cookbooks, cooking shows, etc. exist just to answer that question. I find it hard. I work full-time and I have two small kids. That doesn't give me much time. I am exhausted and starting, they are exhausted and starving and no one is going to wait more than 5-10 minutes for dinner once we walk in the door. I actually really like cooking though at times it is yet another thing that is exhausting and hanging over your head. But when you do it, it is so good and I find it makes people happy. But you have an awesome week of food shopping, food prep, and then a week of good nutritious meals and not buying quick bad food for lunch at work and it is then followed my a horrible one. Why? Because you didn't make it to the store, you made it to the store but then you are too exhausted to make it, or sometimes honestly cereal is just good stuff!
In September I finally joined a CSA. A CSA is Community Supported Agriculture. I am definitely not early to this bandwagon but my husband still calls me super 'green' because of things like this. I decided I would start with a fall share because I generally like these vegetables so I thought there would less waste, there would be fruit, and I also signed up for eggs. I pick up each Tuesday evening for 9 weeks. I am three weeks in. I couldn't do one week because we were out of town so I gave it to a friend. So far so good. There are some leafy greens that I can't get through but luckily I found a guy at work that loves them so I just give it to him. You have no control over what you get and honestly I don't know what some of it is. But I have gotten my groove back as far as cooking is concerned. The summer was all about grilling - loved it! Barely any prep, I don't do the actual cooking, and there isn't as much clean-up because the grill is your skillet. So we are past that and now it is time for slow cookers, casseroles, and soup.
So Tuesday comes and pick everything up. Then Wednesday is figure out what the hell you are going to do with this before it goes bad - and BTW - it is organic and from a local farm so you have 2-3 days and you have already lost a day. I try to do what I can but I have found that it is better to at least cook it and then freeze it - so now my freezer is full. Or you can also double the recipe to get through the produce and put the second casserole dish in the freezer to have a little later. Result - a very full freezer! But it is nice. We are trying new things, supporting the local farmers, and I have to say eating pretty well. They have a winter share as well and I think I might sign up.
Here are a few things that I have cooked and the family was happy:
Maybe I am turning a little green but cooking with local, in-season produce actually saves you money. And it is healthy for your family. Hopefully this helps you with your meals this week. Enjoy!
I read this book years ago before I had kids and I thought it was hilarious! I especially loved one piece when she goes to work to give a presentation, most of her co-workers are male, and she is very happy that everyone really seemed to be paying attention and was very interested in her presentation. Well it turns out she had a sheer light colored blouse on with a bright red bra that you could see right through the shirt.
Fast forward to me this morning:
It is Monday morning. It was a good weekend - the weather was nice, we had soccer game, I got my hair cut, colored, and done, we had an adult only party on Saturday night, Sunday we went to the park and watched the football game while a few people cam over to help us eat some of the leftovers. And I was finishing up the sangria around 7 PM which was quite good the second day.
I am up on time instead of 20-25 minutes late, T has slept pretty well though not great, and I am excited to go into work with my professionally straight hair. I catch the earlier train, it is packed but I have some personal space standing and I start to read the paper. A woman behind me taps my purse and the only thing that I can understand is 'open'. My purse is a little open so I say thank you and turn back around and continue reading. Fast forward a few stops and another woman says your skirt is open. So the open a few stops back is making a little more sense now.
I embarrass very easily and I also turn very red very easily as well. The combo of these at times are even more embarrassing. Maybe it was the fact that I was on the subway and not at work (I would have been horrified at work) or the fact that I was just too tired to care. So I simply let the people get off on the stop, zip my skirt up, and sit down in the open seats.
Honestly it was pretty bad. I guess at least I had underwear on though it wasn't covering much. I guess it gave all of those people something to talk about when they got to work on a Monday morning. I just hope they don't remember this too long considering that I ride the same train almost every morning with pretty much the same people.
M has moved to a new school for pre-K. I wish I could tell you that I have these really cute photos but they just wear a t-shirt and blue sweatpants. I ordered the correct t-shirts late so we don't have those. And really he has been going to daycare since he was 10 weeks old so it isn't like this is the first time he is going off. Though I have to say that the amount of tears, crying, snot, screaming, etc. that we have had this week would make you think that he has never gone to school before. It has been a very hard and long week. One of those weeks that makes you question your choices that you have made as a parent for your child. He needed to move on from where he was, I know that, but now I am questioning if this was the correct move. But then I think what was our other option, nothing because we were on the waiting list for every other school we applied for. My fingers are crossed that it improves over the next couple of weeks because there is only so long that this can go on before it breaks me. I am definitely already cracked but all it would take is one good day to wipe out all of those other bad days. So here is to hoping for that good day - we could all use it!
We have all survived our first vacation that was truly all about the kids. Yes we have been on vacation with them before but they were always places that you would go even if you didn't have kids. Storyland and Santa's Village is not a place that you go if you don't have kids. I have to say that I wasn't that excited for the weekend. The drive up with tons of traffic and construction didn't really set the mood either. But we go up there, checked in, and T woke up at 5 AM the next morning to experience it all! We had a great time, we went on rides, ate some bad food, went swimming, and T even got a fat lip in a fall that I thought was going to result in a trip to the ER. But it didn't and she recovered quickly. The kids are already talking about the trip next year.
Summer has finally arrived. We head to the park with the sprinklers after school and work. At first no one would go in but as you can see that didn't last very long. I just need to remember to bring a change of clothes!
No T hasn't gone all bizzarro Benjamin Button. D turned 5 this month so if you multiply that by 7 that makes us both 35. D has really gotten the short end of the stick since the two small people have come into existence. She really is my original baby and she has been through a lot. I was looking at puppies online for awhile and they were all gone. Then suddenly one reappeared. I took it as a sign. I emailed the woman and drove probably almost 3 hours to go see this little puppy. Well she wasn't very interested in me, she was more interested in food and the other dogs. And her name was Stella - I kept thinking of Seinfeld. So was returned because the woman thought she had spinal bifida which is pretty serious. I was nervous about getting a dog that could have that though something like that should be totally obvious and this dog was running all over the place so I took a chance. And I had already driven 3 hours and I had another 3 ahead of me, now with sleet, so I threw her in the backseat and started my drive home. About 10 minutes in she was in the front seat and after 20 she was in my lap. I brought her into the house and put her on the ground in the kitchen as a surprise for Andy and I believe his reaction was 'What the hell is that!?'. I think he thought she was a rat.
Poor D has been through a lot. She was about 3 days from being fixed and she got her period - that wasn't fun for anyone. After having her about a month I got pregnant so I was tired and not much fun. Then we went on our final vacation, the 'babymoon', and had some very serious issues with the construction of our house. This resulted in the use of an aerobed for my entire second trimester. D was right there. She slept with her head between our pillows and snored all night. She has had 4 major surgeries - eyes, being fixed, and two knees. She is just coming out of her second knee. She is definitely no longer the same dog. She is scared of a lot of things and at times I honestly think she is depressed. Plus she has had to deal with LOTS of construction which honestly I think has made her hate blue collar workers - she can pick them out on the street. It is odd.
D was a very good prep for kids. I discovered that there really isn't anything on at 7 AM or 8 AM on Sunday mornings. I started to watch a lot of ESPN. Somehow I could tolerate Sports Center a lot more exciting than infomercials. I thought Outside the Lines was on super early! Little did I know that about a year or so later it would seem like I was up for hours by the time it came on instead of the first thing I watched.
Hopefully her next 5 years is a little smoother than the first 5. I am hoping for no more surgery and like the surgeon said, she doesn't have any more knees so that is good news. I sure hope so!
Me: There is a turtle in the toilet? ( I didn't catch the info on the first round)
M: No! One of my poops look like a turtle!
Me: Oh great, make sure you flush the toilet.
Woman walks into the bathroom.
M: There is red in it. Do you think that is a strawberry?
Me: Could be. How about you wipe and flush.
M: I think there is some yellow in it as well, it could be corn.
Me:Hoping the woman doesn't realize what he is talking about. So I saw 'Sorry about that'.
Woman: Don't worry we are at the beach with young kids as well. And then she walks out.
At least that is better than last year when M wasn't toilet trained, we didn't have any swim diapers, and he let one go in a very wet and sandy. I will leave that to your imagination but I can tell you that is seared in my memory and we still talk about it.
Back in February we got a second computer from H and it sat in the back of the car for awhile. Then it made it into the house and sat in A's office for awhile. I found a table, chair, and stool on craigslist and that was finally the catalyst to get it out of the box. I put the desk and chair together while A put the computer together. Software was ordered and M was using it a few days later to work on his letters and numbers. Hopefully this helps us turn the corner when it comes to letters and such. I know the computer is going to eventually be a fight but right now I think it is a better option compared to cartoons.
This year at school instead of doing the regular photos where you dress your kids up you had the option of letting them pick out a costume and dress up that way. I went with the costume option. This is the first year M has smiled and as you can see T is following in her big brother's foot steps.
Each year I find myself choosing to do something that might not make that much sense. Right now I am talking about a goal related to working out. I choose to do a lot of other things in my life that don't make sense everyday. Yesterday I ran a half marathon. I have never been much of a runner and after the pain I felt in the third leg of the triathlons last year I thought if I could improve that piece maybe I could get better overall. So I decided to work on my running and then decided that why not just signup for a half marathon. So I dragged the L into it, the same fun living girl who agreed to do the triathlons with me last year. The training starting and it wasn't bad. I actually felt pretty good. Then I started to get past 7 miles and it started to hurt a little, I got sick many times after the run, it took time away from my kids and husband, and I was even more exhausted than I was before. I finally was able to not get sick after running over an hour and then I literally got sick and could barely workout, and this was about one month before the race. I made it out for my long runs and I made it to race day. I trained in overcast weather when it was 50. What was it like on race day? It ended up being over 90, overcast and becoming sunny, and about 89% humidity. Not exactly what I was used to. So I started off slow and stayed that way through the whole race. I felt good for about 7-8 miles and then it started to hurt a little bit. Around 11 I really wanted to walk. But I had three goals - #1, to finish, #2, to run the whole thing, and #3, to finish in 2 hours. I made 2 out of 3. I knew by mile 3 that 2 hours wasn't going to happen. I would really need to pick up the pace and with the humidity like it was, the sun coming out, and the fact that this would be not only the longest race I have ever run but the longest I had ever run I decided that finishing without injury and not walking was the bigger prize. I finished in 2:14:34. I was 3343 out of 5232, and I was 611 out of 1068 in my age group. L finished in 2:06:40 and she was 374 out of 1068 which is awesome! So I finished and said to L okay I did that no need to ever do that again! Then we texted today and decided maybe we would and that basically said that we needed psychiatric help. I will see how it goes. That is a year from now and my joints are pretty sore right now. I would really like to finish in the top 50% of my age group which would mean taking off about 30-45 seconds per mile. So until I figure out the next goal I am going to go back to the gym and do some shorted 4-5 mile runs and maybe do some interval training to see if I can go a little faster.
And are you wondering about the flowers? Those are peonies from my garden - another goal I have in life - to have a nice garden. Gardening is not really my thing. Maybe I will start to enjoy it when things in my life settle down a little, though when will that happen? :)
In my head - Do you not see me getting the milk out of the fridge and getting your cup out!!!!! Please doesn't make the rest of what you are saying okay.
Today while I was making breakfast:
M: Mommy, after you finish with that, can I have some milk please.
Me in my head - maybe he is actually listening when I constantly say 'I can only do one thing at a time','I only have one hand','Do you know see the milk and cup in my hand, what do you think I am doing?'
I sure this will go as soon as it has come but it was a pleasant surprise when you are up with two kids while your husband is in bed very hungover.
Yes I know that Earth Day was almost two weeks ago but I just got this from M's school. I thought it was cute/funny. The teachers asked the kids the following question and you can see the answers below. Please see the M entry vs. the rest.
The Earth is Worth Protecting because......
Kid #1 - To make the Earth healthy.
Kid #2 - Don't cut down the trees.
Kid #3 - If we don't protect it the Earth will get sick.
I have to say that I just love the mail - especially when you get something that isn't a bill, a catalogue you don't care about, or totally random stuff that you want but isn't all that exciting. I love getting my InStyle but it comes every month because I think I have paid my subscription past the date I will die. But getting a card with someone's hand writing on it or an unexpected package is the best. At least to me. In this day of emails, text messages, and ecards sometimes getting a good old fashioned card in the mail is the best. I am totally guilty of the gift certificate via email, sending an email to you for your birthday, etc. Often times even my email shows up a week after your birthday. So it was so nice to receive an unexpected package from Georgia. The Byrons always send something fun and exciting for both the grow-ups and the kids. Andy got some 'zombie gifts' and T got some new dresses. But one thing I wasn't expecting was the reaction from T and the pictures that resulted from the dresses. M & T were so excited! M kept talking about the beautiful dresses and showing T the flowers and such on the dresses. T immediately striped herself down to her diaper to get one of the new dresses on.
And then there were the pictures. I have two kids that usually run away from the camera, never stand still, are never in a photo together, and usually do really stupid smiles if you get anything at all. I honestly think this was the first picture ever of the two of them standing together with 'normal' smiles and looking cute.
So thank you Ellen not only for the dresses because that is so nice and thoughtful of you but also the unexpected memories that you gave me. No one else will remember that evening except me but I don't care. I love the picture with M resting his head on T.
First I would like to say thank you to B&T and A. Without them we wouldn't have been able to go on vacation without the kids. We went down to the Dominican Republic for 6 days and 5 nights. I bought a package online one day at work - sometimes I tend to buy things when I have had a bad day. Sometimes my shopping is very close to an addition.
It snowed the day before we left. We woke up at 3 AM to catch the first flight out. We had one connection and the whole thing was going very well. Then we arrived in DR. We had transportation taking us to the hotel so I looked for my name on a sheet of paper after we made it through customs. No name. We ask at info if they can help us, no dice. So I just say let's just get a taxi and eat the 30 or 40 dollars. We go to the cab stand tell them the name - no idea. So I get the sheet of paper out - never heard of it. Now the husband is thinking that this whole thing is a scam and we will be walking back into the terminal and we will be home before dinner. They figure out where the hotel is - yah! It will be $200 and it is 2 - 2.5 hours away! What! So we call the travel agent. She has no idea how this could have happened. She calls the hotel and the taxi stand calls the hotel. Finally the hotel says just take a cab and they will pay. We are flying down the highway and I thinking we will be there in an hour. Then we hit the mountains. Washed out roads, waiting for other cars to pass so that we can use the road, and very steep drop offs. Both of us are thinking this place better be great after all of this!
We arrive and it is. We have a 3-bedroom suite with a roof deck. We totally don't need all of that room but I am lovely it! So dinner, bottle of wine, and we are back at the room and I think I was in bed before 9!
We basically had the place to ourselves. I think maybe 20 other people were staying at the resort. When we were at the beach there was no up at 8 just to get a chair. You could sleep in, casually stroll to the beach and easily get a chair that wasn't by anyone else. And did I mention that no one ever used the pool so that was always an option. You could look up and down the beach and maybe see 10 people and not a single structure. It was odd. We kept looking for people, wondering what the deal was, why is no one here, etc. The hotel was under a little bit of construction so that was part of it and I don't think we were exactly in the hot part of DR. We talked with one couple that was there with their 3 kids. And that was pretty much our only interaction for the whole time.
I read 2.5 books, I slept until 10 every day, except when we planned something, and honestly I think I was in bed before 9 almost every night. I know a lot of people would say what did you do on your vacation? What was the point? And before kids I would have said the same thing. We planned something every day, if we didn't go out every night I felt like I was really missing out on things, etc.
It was so nice to wake up and then just lay in bed and drift in and out of sleep, not worry about feeding other people, only have to deal with putting sunblock on one person, read a book at the beach for hours, and not have to talk to or listen to someone talk for long periods of time.
When we left A said we need to see if my parents can do this again next year because this was great. I love my kids but I have to say that was the best couple of days I have had in quite awhile.
M has been in daycare since he was 10 weeks old. And technically it has been longer because he had a transition period. So one would think that he was used to being dropped off and he would be an old pro. Not true. In the infant room he would scream. In the toddler room the only way we could leave would be to hand him to a teacher and run out. And now in Preschool it is a little better but he would hold onto your legs and scream Mommy stay, Mommy I need you, etc. So needless to say by the time you did that, commuted into work, and started to work I was already exhausted. This has slowly started to change and I really saw it this week when I dropped him off. Most of his friends were already there, which I think helps a lot. I dropped T off and we gave her hugs and kisses which she had no interest in and she went to play with her friends (she has been like that since the beginning). I am thinking that now I will drop M off, hopefully we will play for about 5 minutes, and then one of his friends will distract him. Well I went in with him and he never looked at me. I asked for a hug and kiss, then a hug or kiss, no response. I then said may I have a hug or kiss or all you finished with me for the morning? His response - I am all done with you! So I got to work in record time.
M has started to get more and more independent, I will do that, I don't need your help, etc. But there has always been this issue when we drop him off. Both of us have been saying why can't he be like the other kids and just run in and play because when you pick him up he doesn't want to leave so clearly he likes it there. Be careful what you wish for....
I was thinking about all of this on my walk from the train to work. How I am slowly becoming a smaller and smaller piece of his life, how he really does need me less and less, etc. And for one second I was sad. Then I thought, wait a second you have been wishing for this for literally years and it is now here and now you are sad. Snap out of it! So instead of dwelling on what is being lost I thought about what we were gaining. As parents we want to strong independent free thinking children that no longer need us. That is just sometimes a hard pill to swallow. But then I think about M at 30 - do I really want him still in my house, most likely somewhere like the basement so it seems like he has his own apartment but yet somehow his laundry shows up in the bins with mine, he asks where his cinnamon cereal is, and that he needs help wiping? I think not. When I entered work I had a big smile on my face and pride in my heart for my smart independent young man.
We have been buried by many many feet of snow. It has been dark, cold, windy, and my lower back still hasn't recovered from the shoveling. But we are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. So we took advantage of a few hours of warmer weather before the rains started. It was sunny but it was still so nice to be outside. Funny how you take the kids and dog out for a few hours and suddenly there aren't any many timeouts and crazy dogs dropping balls on your feet to throw across the room. I can't wait for the warmer weather!
If you have kids and they can talk I am sure you have been out in public when they say something that makes you grimace and you hope that no one else heard that. There are times when the lack of a filter can be very cute and funny and other times when it isn't.
I went to look at a preschool for M this week and when the open house was finished M saw some kids playing basketball in the gym on the way out and wanted to watch. Exhausted and thinking this will take up some time that could otherwise be spent at home with two kids running around wild before bed. So we stayed and watched for awhile. There were two groups of girls each with a coach. They were probably tweens or maybe early teenagers so they knew what they were doing but they still needed some coaching. The coaches both invited us in to play but M in his normal fashion turned his head slightly so he didn't have to look at them but he wouldn't leave at the same time. So we talked about the coach and how you have to listen to the coach otherwise you will end up on the bench.
As we were talking M said 'Hey there is one white one and one black one'. There were two coaches both of them were black but one had on a white shirt and one had on a black shirt. This struck me as so nice - M didn't notice that they were black he was just identifying them by their shirts. When your kid starts to say 'Hey Mom there's a black person' you want to shrink and die sometimes. But this time it was nice to see the world through his eyes.
She had 4 center bottom teeth and after the fall she has three. Pour girl. She smiles with her bottom teeth. For the next 5 years or so one will be missing. At least it was a baby tooth - that is really the only thing that makes us feel a little better. T cried for about a minute and then it was over. She is eating, laughing, dancing, drinking as if nothing happened.
Please come back to this post if you ever feel like you have had a bad parenting day with your kids. This is one of our worst ones.
Note to self. If you child wants to go to bed with his light on you should remember to go in and turn it off before you go to bed. Otherwise he will be up earlier than normal which isn't good for anyone.
I forgot to turn M's light out Tuesday night so he was in my bed around 5:45. Normally this would be a very bad thing especially when your husband is out of town. But it was snowing and I was working from home the kids might have school so lacking a bit of sleep wasn't that big of a deal.
M crawled in and I usually get the 'Mommy get up!', 'Mommy let's eat pancakes', etc. But today M was a little tired as was I so he agreed to crawl into bed with me and laid down to watch the snow in the trees. He stayed there for about 30 minutes and it was so nice. We whispered about the snow and how much was falling, how pretty it was on the trees, how windy it was, etc. He just laid on my pillow with me and didn't elbow me in the stomach or knee me in the face.
I wish I could have stayed there for hours. But the day must start, whining must begin, and people stop listening. I wish I had a pictures or video of the experience but to do that would be to ruin it. So I have my memories and the feelings from that 30 minutes that sadly are already starting to fade.
A left for Vegas early Saturday morning. Luckily my in-laws extended their visit a few days to help. After an action packed weekend including my first 4 year old birthday party with about 30 kids they left Monday morning. My Mom arrived late Tuesday night just before 2 feet of snow were dumped on us overnight. Working from home today and both kids are home so it is not my most successful working day ever. Shoveled some though several more inches have fallen. At this point there is no where else to put the snow so the snow may just stay there and I will hope that it will melt with the sun in the next couple of days. The kids didn't even go out in the snow. I really need to get at least a sled and put them in it for a walk around the block. I am sure the drop off at daycare and commute to work tomorrow will be great!
A arrives home on Friday at some point. I am just hoping to get through the next couple of days and T doesn't decide to play from 2:30 - 4:30 and then my alarm goes off at 4:45 because I am slowly dying. A leaves again on Monday but he will be back on Wednesday so at least it isn't a week. And I am getting my hair cut and colored on Saturday morning at 9 so that will be about 2 hours of time to myself.
M has been going to to daycare since he was 10 weeks old. So you would think that by 3.4 he would be an old pro. Sadly for the parent that has to drop him off that isn't the case. We have discussed it many times that we would like a drop off that doesn't involved crying and whining. I picked M up the other day:
M: I cried when Daddy dropped me off.
Me: I thought we were working on not crying and whining when we go to school.
M: Mom, I'm working on it, I'm working on it....
It was so cute. Now he says that all of the time and it makes me smile every time.
We held our New Year's celebration around 7:30 PM which was just fine with me. We celebrated our second Christmas on New Year's Day so I had some cooking and cleaning to do. I think I fell asleep about 10 minutes before the ball dropped. Wishing you a safe and happy 2011!
